Depend on people I had not to depend on. That was my biggest mistake. When I was 16 years old (a little bean) I had a big group of friends. In that group there was a kind of hierarchy: the four boys were kind of leaders and then we were six girls. My opinion did not matter that much, but at that moment I did not care because I fully depended on them.
I followed what they did, I said what they said and I cared about their opinions about me. It was a toxic friendship (I do not think I could even call it a friendship), but as I was trapped there, I could not realize that it hurt me more than I thought. Of course we had good and funny memories, but the bad things weighed more in the balance.
One day, suddenly, the boys started to ignore and make fun of me, as well as they started to slut-shame me without any sense. I felt really bad because I considered them my friends, but I guess they did not consider me as one. At that time, I thought I could be with the girls because they were my best friends and the only ones I trusted. However, it did not turn out well when one of them started to follow the boys and the other ones also followed her.
In that moment, I felt betrayed and lonely as I never felt before. I thought my heart was broken and I could not go to school and see them or hear them murmur because it was driving me crazy. I was completely alone and lonely. I did not have any friends and the ones that were mine, only made ridiculed me.
Then, a girl of my class who was always alone approached me and we started to hang out together. We did not get along well because I missed my previous group and, because we had completely different mindsets. Despite that, I owe her a lot, even if we stopped being friends after a while, because she saved me of feeling lonely in class.
I was diagnosed a serious depression back then. I was always locked in my room crying and regretting being alive. Right now, I still have depressive outbreaks from time to time.
If I could turn back time, I would not change anything that happened back then because I learned a lot of things that I could not have learned otherwise. I learned to be alone and not feel lonely because of that. I learned not to depend on anyone anymore too. I also matured a lot and my mindset towards friendships is very positive now. I have learned to forgive, even though I still cannot forget (I am working on it). Finally, I have to say that I call it a big mistake, but, at the same time, it was a good decision that I took because the outcome is bigger than the mistake.
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